#i will also definitely have two cats someday soon but not til i get my own place. i will at least have BB sooner

[marklikely]

banana bread inspo btw. she would look something like this

once again getting too emotionally invested in pets that i don't own yet

[fanficmepage]

Chapter 8

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Mornings were always serene in Wayne Manor. Bruce sat across from Alfred who was reading over the morning paper. Raven sat next to her father in a high chair, happily munching on dry Cheerios. Most mornings tended to be silent beside Raven’s baby babbles. However, a question loomed heavy in the air. Ever since the official announcement of his daughter, Selina decided to try dating Bruce. She joked the only reason she called was that she wanted to know if he ever got the shoe back on. He realized that image would haunt him for the rest of his life. Bruce didn’t mind though, Raven will grow to be quite embarrassed about it. It will work out in his favor in the end.

“You have another date with Ms. Kyle tonight, sir,” Alfred never looked up from his paper, making small talk.

“As long as no interruptions, easy home date.”

“Would our little bird be joining you both tonight?” Bruce turned to his happy little baby. Raven looked back at her father with a handful of cheerios and a smile. This almost didn’t feel real. Since he wore the cowl, the calm never felt real. The small moments they all share is what makes it all worth it.

“Dada,” Raven thrust her fist of cereal towards her father followed by a mixture of giggles and her attempts to form words. Leaning over, Bruce took a piece of cereal and quickly pecked her hand. Raven quickly pulled her hand away, smiling and eating.

Bruce gazed at his little girl. He wasn’t so sure about having Raven with them. Not that she is in the way, he would honestly prefer her there. He is more concerned about Selina. There was always something familiar with her since they met. It was the way she walked. It was almost catlike, graceful, and seductive. Bruce had to admit he was falling. There was finally someone with whom he could be open emotionally. After a few dates, he was finally able to briefly speak about his parents. It was comforting to know she was also orphaned as a young child. There was an undeniable connection between them, definitely an attraction. Yet, something egged at the back of his mind, like she was hiding something. Bruce can’t judge, he probably has the most skeletons in his closet. Maybe Alfred is right about the paranoia. But tonight, his little girl will be properly introduced to Selina, “I figured a nice night in, let the two get to know each other. Selina seems to be alright with it over the phone, I’m sure things will be fine.”

“Need I remind you that it took Raven about a week to warm up to me, sir. More than likely she will get fussy if Ms. Kyle is brave enough to hold her.”

“I am sure they will interact fine, besides, Raven should start interacting with people more. It's supposed to be good for them,” Bruce recalled a few notes from a book Alfred had brought him.

Bruce never once thought he would have to pick up parenting books so soon. Yet here he is, whenever some free time was allowed he would just sit there with his baby girl in one arm and book in another. Per grunting request, he would read out loud. These times would generally end in an impromptu but well-deserved nap time for both the baby and the bat. Alfred would quietly snap pictures of the pair: the book fell from Bruce’s hand to the floor, Raven tucked into his side with a tiny fist clutching his shirt for support. She nuzzled herself deeper into Bruce’s side, smiling at the comfort of the scent and warmth of her father. It was almost as if their souls connected in these moments like nothing else existed but them. With a strong arm around her, they would sleep peacefully. There was a strangeness to their bond. Looking back at his daughter who traded Cheerios for a bottle, he knew he was gone. Bruce knew his heart was gone to the child. His child. Reaching out and gently stroking her cheek, “I am sure they will get along fine. Even if she gets too fussy, I’ll be right there.”

The paper finally set down, Alfred looked properly at Bruce. He would admit, this is not how the butler thought his life would go. Ever since Bruce decided to bear the cowl, Alfred feared to be left alone. Some nights it felt like Bruce was trying to get himself killed. With all the stabs and bullet holes, the old man’s heart hurt as if they were his wounds. He may have only been Bruce’s guardian but he loved him like he was his son. Alfred worried that maybe he was the one who drove Bruce down the path of vengeance. Little hope rested in that child, one day she would be a wonderful woman. The day Bruce would have to let her go someday. For now, they would enjoy these moments. Although, the thought of Bruce dealing with the first boyfriend was quite amusing. He would not resist her pleading eyes. Hell, Bruce couldn’t even say no to the small pout for storytime. Their lives would never be the same but maybe that was for the best.

Bruce knew that this would come to be. Blame his naivety, she played him like a fool. There was always something familiar about the cat. He should have known sooner, since the boat. It isn’t like there weren't any signs, they were clear as day. The night Selina came over for the first time and left early, Catwoman was spotted again but later than her usual patterns. Now with the canceled date, the pieces fell together while in pursuit.

Jumping across roofs, it was the way she moved that gave her away. Selina moved with grace, almost it was as if she was seducing him. Bruce couldn’t deny that a part of him still wanted her. Yet, there was no way he could come up with an excuse. The first time he put on the cowl he figured he would go after gang members keeping the city in fear. Bruce was not prepared for there to be another masked person running around Gotham as well, there had already been reports speculating the connection. Batman already was having issues gaining police trust and this was no help.

Gaining up on her, Bruce reached out and finally grabbed Catwoman’s arm. He pulled her towards him, yanking the bag of gems from her hand. A flirty smirk danced on her lips, pressing up against him, “We must stop meeting like this, Batman.”

Selina immediately lashed out, aiming for the cowl. Bruce dodged back; quickly grabbing her hands and pinning them behind her back. After a few struggling kicks, Selina finally was handcuffed and unmasked. Bruce stared, hatred filling his eyes. Hatred of himself most of all. She played him hard. A grim reminder that this path he was on did not allow personal relationships. He wanted to bring this woman into his life! Raven’s life. It is not uncommon for children of wealthy parents to be taken and held for ransom. Sometimes they aren’t returned. The thought reminded Bruce of his nightmares. Even if abduction wasn’t Selina’s style, who knows who she knew that would. Information was worth more than any diamond in Gotham’s underground. Selina hadn’t seen much of the mansion that he knew of; he did leave her alone when Raven started crying.

Without a word, Bruce lifted her over his shoulder, carrying Selina to the police cars down below. Scenarios of Raven and Alfred being hurt by his blindness hurt more than any wound that Selina could ever inflict with her claws.

Changed and showered, Bruce sat at the computer and reviewed the file he had built. How many more of these alter ego criminals will appear? Something inside of him told him that Selina would be the first of many.

Before getting lost in his head, the sound of shuffling coming from Raven’s playpen. Bruce walked over and silently watched as Raven rolled around with her stuffed animals. Their eyes met: Raven’s sparkled with joy as she reached up to her father.

“Dada,” a wide smile took over her face, Bruce smiling right back. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, cuddling her tighter into his chest.

“I will always protect you, my princess,” Bruce gently rocked her back and forth, finally leaving the cave. Bruce remembers the warmth and love from a time that seemed so long ago. A song played in his head, a voice he longed to hear. The melody always calmed him as a child. Stroking Raven’s back, Bruce began softly singing to his child as his mother did to him:

Am I blue? Am I blue?

Ain’t these tears in my eyes telling you?

Am I blue? You’ll be to

If each with you made

Done fell through

Was a time I was your only one

But now I’m the sad

And lonely one,

"Lawdy, " Was I gay? 'til today,

Now she’s gone and we're through,

Am I blue?

I am going to be honest, I am not happy with how Selina ended. This isn't the end, I plan on writing her back into the story. I just need to get to know her character more before re-included into the story.

On a more positive note, I always loved the song Kevin Conroy sang in Justice League. It's so calm and soothing. If I recall correctly, Bruce said it was a lullaby Martha would sing it to him as a child. Here is the link for reference: https://youtu.be/fuHwYMTxmR0

I hope you all enjoy this chapter! ❤

[seacreek]

I don't want to write anything where irl friends would see (no one is gonna see this here anyway) but I need to get this out of me.

Liiiikeeeee

I was (am?) literally the most suicidal I've ever been in my life today (is today over if it's 2 am?) and not only can I tell that to NO ONE, but it's like God was fucking rubbing it my face all day. I actually laughed at one point bc I was driving behind someone thinking of whether I should try to do it at home or somewhere else when I noticed their license plate said KYS and then a mashup of my birthday numbers.

But like I've already been feeling this building bc I'm behind on bills and have no heat and it's gonna snow soon and it's the holidays which remind me that my family is all spread out and I don't really talk to my parents anymore and somedays I talk to no one at all but my cat and my life is going NOWHERE with no way to change that but to work myself even harder when I don't even feel like I have anything at all to give anymore.

And I already felt like calling out bc even though I chose to work Thanksgiving yesterday knowing I'd be the only one there, it was still depressing to know that normal people are with friends and family and I'm not. But I also didn't want to take up my neighbors/friends on their offers to join them bc I did that last year and got all the questions about what I was doing with my life and at the time I actually believed I'd be going back to school the next year but now I realize how I can't possibly afford that without accepting help from someone which would BE my neighbors bc my parents would not help and I can't pay for it alone. And I can't accept help from them bc I feel like I would just get overwhelmed and depressed and flunk out and waste their money anyway. And the other reason I couldn't go over there/can't is bc I already feel like such a burden to them. They do all this nice stuff for me all the time and I catch myself even EXPECTING it at times which is fucking disgusting. Even if I'm grateful and say thank you, it's not like they owe me anything just bc I have no one else to give it to me. So I need to stop accepting their help and gifts, but then I know they are judging me for that bc even though their really nice, they are also super judgmental and they really like me bc they think I have "potential", but if they knew that I'm actually just a natural born idiot and failure, they'd never want to talk to me in the first place. And also it's unhealthy probably how much I rely on their validation bc since I've known them since I was little, I'm almost using them as surrogate parents which is also fucked up bc they are not my parents, they have their own kids who actually have their lives together unlike me who is just like a pet project of theirs.

Soooo anyway I already had all this on my mind and more going into work today and when I get there, I look at the schedule and realize everyone called out but me!!!!

And so I had to make a frankenstein schedule out of all of theirs to prioritize what needed to get done and was still trying to do little favors for people in between that I didn't want to disappoint bc it wasn't their fault that their staff wasn't there to do it with them and it was getting super overwhelming. And then I'm super sensitive so when I'd have to tell someone that I COULDN'T do something extra for them that they really were looking forward to, it was already punching me in the gut to see their disappointment. But then the worst part is that they don't fully get that I'm not just choosing to do that out of spite, but I legitimately had negative amounts of time to get everything done so they would blame me for what I couldn't do for them. EVEN THOUGH I WAS WORKING LIKE 4 SCHEDULES IN 1. Like they don't have the capacity to think past what's in front of them sometimes which I understand it's not their fault, but it SUCKS bc then they are pissed at me even though I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to do everything for everyone and keep them all happy and they should really be annoyed with my coworkers who didn't come in but I didn't even throw them under the bus bc it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I'm the person in front of them who is "refusing to do what they ask" so it's my fault.

So that's how my day is going everywhere I go as I rush from person to person and place to place, answering calls, improvising on the spot, and constantly having to tell someone that whatever they had planned on today isn't possible and dealing with the result of that. And the WHOLE TIME I am DAYDREAMING about how I'm gonna kill myself when I get home. Maybe slit my wrists, wait no my leg because I know I'll chicken out on the wrists, wait no, I'll drive out to the ocean and just swim out until I'm drowning too far out to save myself, wait no, what bridges could I jump from let me google that, wait no, I could take all of the pills at home together but then I might throw them up so wait no, maybe I'll drag this out and just not eat or drink til I just die nah that takes too long etc etc etc. And I'm really thinking this is gonna happen tonight bc I already wrote a letter monday or tuesday and I'm sure they'll find that pretty fast when they look in my journals so I don't even have to worry about that part, just the doing. So I'm contemplating my end of life and getting more anxious and sad with every hour passing bc I'm really thinking this is it, this is the day I'm out. But really I keep getting caught up bc my CAT who is sadly the one being on earth that I love who could never understand, is at home. And I'm thinking about how if I kill myself while she's there and it takes time for people to realize I'm missing/find me, she will be sad/hungry/thirsty in the meantime. Which is so unecessary and all of my suicide plans get scrapped if they involve direct trauma of another being and she's the one that means the most, so how could I be so selfish as to not make a plan for her?

So I'm thinking of how I have to sneak her to my sister's place while she's still at work and that's stressful enough but more so bc then I'll have a time limit on getting this done bc as soon as she comes home and sees kaiya there without me and no explanation, she'll start blowing up my phone and when I don't answer, she'll call someone. And I don't want to do that in a pressured state, I need time to process everything and think about life and what I'm doing. Plus, what if I decide not to??? (Which is what ended up happening for tonight anyway) I would've done all that for nothing and then had to confess when she found kaiya anyway and have to go to a psych ward or something which would just ruin my life faster but make it harder to get out.

So I'm thinking ALL this ALL day while working my ass off yet still disappointing everyone and swallowing tears that would turn into sobs every hour until it's time to go home.

Then I drive home and even though I pray to God to send me some sign that he cares, he doesn't.

At this point, I've already lost the fire under me so I know this is another night where I just get through it, cuddle kaiya, and wake up the next day to do it all over and I've accepted that in a way.

Then 1 am rolls around and my sister calls me to say she stopped by a party where she ran into my old best friend and friends from high school. None of whom cared enough about me to even ask what I was up to these days, even though they were talking to my SISTER. And that whole growing apart thing took such a toll on me mentally and I do feel like I'm over it now these days, but it still brought up these gross sad feelings of when I was first realizing that they didn't really care about me anymore and then fully understanding that I didn't matter to them. Which hurt SO MUCH bc they were a ride or die for me, like I would have done anything for them and I never even DOUBTED they didn't feel the same until it was so obvious I had to stop pretending around it. And that fucked with ALL of my relationships with people. Every single friend I had, I started pulling away from bc I was so insecure in myself that I felt like I had to get away from them before they had the chance to drop me which I now felt was inevitable. To this day, I feel like I have a body count of of people that I desperately want to talk to, but don't let myself bc I feel like they don't deserve to have to put up with a person as shitty and worthless as me. And I do that in every possible relationship I have, platonic, romantic, and even familial. And I can't blame them for that bc they were just a normal person growing apart from someone I guess, but I think it triggered something laying dormant in me so badly that it was actually the catalyst for my inability to connect with other people in meaningful ways. I never meet a new person anymore with the belief that they will be in my life for more than a few years at most. Most people I expect to be gone within a week or two. My walls are up so high that it's actually selfish that I even talk to people at all bc I only end up hurting them when I pull away for seemingly no reason at all. And I'm too much of a coward to tell them that there's nothing wrong with them, I just can't get that close to people anymore. Like it actually makes me physically sick to think of carrying on normal relationships with people which is SO fucked. But then I turn into the villain bc I'm worried that they'll develop the same fear of people and I'll be the cause of it. Like I'm a vampire. But I isolate myself and then get to a certain point where I think "I'll try again!! And this time will be different!! I'll really have someone new in my life!" And then I am super friendly and doing my best to be good and making plans and whatever. But then I start getting that sick feeling again, like what if what if they just haven't realized how much I suck and how disappointing I am yet, they'll definitely realize it soon and I come up with some random specific reason why they'd actually hate me if they knew "THIS" about me and I start detaching myself and then flake on plans and then disappear. And then spend weeks worrying myself sick that I permanently damaged their trust in people!!! But then I get lonely again and the pattern starts again!! All traced back to this moment in time where it actually hit me that people's affection for you can disappear in the blink of an eye no matter how much you thought they cared about you. So clearly love is conditional and just that thought alone is enough to make me want to end it all!!

So yea, just a shit day with shit cherries and cream on top.

And now it's 3am and I have to wake up in 5 hrs to do this again.

And all of this is still something no one will know if or until it comes spilling out and then my life will either be changed forever or over.

But yea, drew that lion the other day.

[nottooldforthisship]

(As always, you can find all my fic recs in my FIC REC MASTERPOST) 

- Feels Like Coming Home , by @phd-mama : The last thing Harry Styles expects when he's hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that's exactly what happens. After a spectacularly ugly break-up three years prior, Harry hasn't heard one word from Louis, and he's moved on. Gotten over him. But having Louis back in his life, not to mention working at the restaurant where he's a chef, isn't easy, and the feelings that Harry thought he'd left turn out to be not so easily forgotten. This is a story about love and the power of forgiveness, and how the hard choices we make define us, and change our lives.

Larry ex to lovers AU (60k) : OOMMMGGGGGG this is the best angst fic I read for a long time !! Very well written, absolutely painful and beautiful, maybe some TW (read the tags) , but really really read this now. (kind of share that for the smut, awesome btw)

- When We Were Younger , by @waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee : About a week after Harry started visiting this particular chat room, he was watching some kid argue with the whole room about football, personally disinterested as he tipped a bag of crisps into his mouth. He happily chomped on the crumbs, taking a swig from a glass of Ribena to wash them down, glancing at the screen and very nearly spat the squash back out again. His heart was pounding wildly. The display icon of the argumentative newcomer had caught his eye, and not in a good way. He gulped as he clicked the picture, and when it popped up in full resolution, his heart nearly fell right out of his arse. - Sixteen year old Harry Styles’ world turns upside down when he logs on to gay teen chat to discover somebody has stolen his photos and used them as their own.

Larry Catfish AU (76k) : starting with teenage Harry and going on for a few years of a online/phone relationship. Very well done ! angsty and (obviously) full of phone sex :D (kind of share that)

- Save your loving arms for a rainy day , by @briannamarguerite : “What’s got your panties in a twist, then, pop star?” the man finally asked, his gaze returning to Louis’ face. Something pressed against Louis’ chest and for a moment Louis let himself wonder what it would be like to let all his secret spill out. To fall into the space between them and be devoured by this stranger. Terror mingled with bliss, tangling into a sharp throb he had to swallow hard against. “Absolutely nothing,” Louis said instead. “Happy days, yeah?”The man clicked his tongue once, a disappointed, wet tetch that Louis felt. Actually felt. “My mistake.”Louis turned desperate eyes on him, blinking too fast. He could see his own lashes flutter. “I’m living the dream, mate” he said and even he could hear the way his voice cracked along the edges. “What would I have to be upset about?”--Or the one where Louis is a pop star who has lost his voice and Harry helps him find it.

Larry famous-not famous AU (19k) : singer Louis and record-shop Harry, a bit angsty, some good smut (bottom Louis) and songwriting,  very well written !

- Your Love Was Handmade , by @inked-withlove : There must be a rule book describing in detail how you proceed from being best friends to lovers. That’s what Louis thinks. But maybe, there isn’t a need, Harry decides. Maybe you just follow your instinct and...run your finger down your best friend’s bare back. That should seal the deal for sure.Or, Harry and Louis are best friends who are also mutually pining, and when a work trip looms in to separate the two of them for three weeks, they finally get their shit together.

Larry BFF to lovers AU (5k) : BFFs who share a apartment  and are pining on each other are my kind of shit. Just a bit of smut.

- Perfect Storm , by @cherrystreet​: What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.Harry and Louis choose the latter.

Larry ex to lovers and fake relationship with a twist AU (80k) : angsty (but not THAT much), smutty (hello angry sex)(botyom Louis) and awesome :)

- You're My Favorite Bird , by @supernope : Harry sets his hands on the counter and leans over them, looks Louis in the eye and says, “Louis, would you like to go bird watching with me?”Louis just blinks at him for a moment, like he’s not sure how to respond, then says, voice slow and unsure, “Is that a euphemism?”  Also known as: Harry is an ornithologist and Louis owns the camera repair shop where Harry gets his photos printed. Niall works for Louis, Liam works with Harry, and Zayn paints. There's a cat, some camping, some bird watching, and obscene amounts of fluff.

Larry AU (33k) : Ornithologist-Photographer Harry, a lot of pining, some great smut (bottom Harry) , and kudos for the tattoos.

- Down For The Count And I'm Drowning And I'm Helpless  , by  patdkitten : “Staring costs extra, mate,” he says, perfectly cheeky. Harry didn't know he found cheek sexy, but it's definitely a turn on. He's working up a response, turn on the Harry Styles trademark charm, when he hears a small whirring sound. Somehow, in his approach, Harry'd missed the ears perched on the barista's head. Now that he's aware of them, though, the dark brown fuzzy ears tipped in black twitch in his direction with another quiet whir. They remind him of the maid cafe he went to once in Japan, but while they hadn't been attractive to him there, on this barista, they're as sexy as the cheek.Yeah, Harry could definitely use a booty call. Maybe if he's lucky, the barista's getting off soon and would be interested in getting off with him...? He can dream, at least.--- Harry Styles is an international pop star who suffers from insomnia, and Louis is the sassy little barista in fox ears and tail that won't get out of Harry's head. And the sexting is pretty damn great, too.

Larry Coffe Shop AU and Famous/not famous (5k): popstar Harry and sassy barista Louis, no smut.

- Love Is a Kitten from Hell      by  Anonymous : Louis Tomlinson passes himself off as an arrogant prick at his new school to hide the fact that he's terrified of being bullied again. Just when he's getting tired of putting up walls, he finds himself in a local pet shop where he finds a sanctuary playing with the kittens in the front window.Harry Styles is the popular football player who works at the pet shop, secretly watching the boy he thought was utterly unlikable prove him wrong. Partnered together for a class project, Harry gets more and more hints that Louis is actually someone worth getting to know. But the real question is, will Louis let Harry in?

Larry High school AU (8k) : cute and fluffy, with no smut.